


Intertwined

by livhasnolife (orphan_account)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Intertwined by Dodie Clark, Kinda?, M/M, Slow Burn, and wholesome friendships, brief mention of a lot of youtubers, buy intertwined on itunes, i feel like i should mention there is a brief charlie mention, i swear i don't ship dodie and phil i just really love dodie, idk man, jodie misconceptions, kickthestickz - dead, that's a lot of tags i'll stop, yuri!!! on ice - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-19
Updated: 2017-04-19
Packaged: 2018-10-20 11:11:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10661364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/livhasnolife
Summary: excerpt:They turn together to exit the bathroom, and if Dan slips his hand into Phil's, he doesn't acknowledge it verbally. But actions speak louder than words anyway, Phil answers with a squeeze and drawn patterns onto the back of the other's hand.or the one where alcohol gets in the way (or not)





	Intertwined

**Author's Note:**

> hey yall so i'd like to get the fact this was written in november and i've left it basically untouched out of the way before u delve into this but it's not an absolute piece of crap (i hope) so enjoy!!
> 
>  
> 
> also there's a lot to this i couldn't fit in the summary (i suck at summaries man)

"Ready to go, Dan?" Phil calls from by the door, having just finished tying up the shoelaces of his vans.

"Yeah, ready as I'll ever be, at least!" Dan yells over his shoulder, grabbing his phone and slipping it into his back pocket quickly. He should have everything. He walks out of his room and joins Phil, and they both depart out the door together.

London air is soon felt against both of the boys' faces, mid November hitting them full force leaving them with red-tinted noses and cheeks. 

"Is Louise picking us up?" Phil asks Dan, not quite remembering himself. 

"Mhm, technically," Dan hums in confirmation, letting Phil and himself fall into a comfortable silence as they wait for their companion.

"Whose party is it again?"

" _Phil_ ," Dan says, disapprovingly, shaking his head like a disappointed mother. Phil almost expects him to ground him.

"I'm sorry! You know how cluttered my mind gets, I'm just really forgetful!" Phil protests, trying to justify the fact he has no idea in the slightest where they're going.

Dan dimples. "Some small youtuber, Jodie Clark I think. Her EP came out today." the boy explains, looking towards the other's eyes avidly.

Phil tilts his head and Dan internally awes because he looks like a puppy, "How did we get invited?"

"Multiple ways, actually. First being, Chris is really good friends with Jodie, and he invited Peej, Soph, and us, then there's Lou, who Jodie met at Vidcon apparently. At the time, Jodie felt awkward talking to her but as the night went on they became more comfortable and are fairly good friends now. And, remember Emma-" he's interrupted.

"- the one who clued in on the Charlie drama?" Phil pipes up, curiously.

"Yeah, that's the one. But apparently she's put that behind her now and everyone deserves a second chance." Dan says in an indifferent tone. And Phil nods- of course he does. No one believes in forgiveness more then Phil, which is both a positive and negative thing. With him, second chances  turn into tenth chances at a rapid pace. "Also, apparently Evan Edinger has actually been trying to get in contact with us for a long time, and it's partly my fault we haven't answered, sorry. We just got back from tour and we had DAPGO and I didn't really want us to deal with social pressure and I assumed you wouldn't want to go on your own."

Phil smiles, "you're right." and Dan smiles back because Phil's smiles are infectious. 

A limousine pulls up and the driver rolls down his window, "Ya boys go by the names Dan 'nd Phil by any chance?" he questions, his stern eyes almost seeming to narrow as he observes them. The two look at each other, puzzled, and then nod. "Get in, will ya? I don't got all day."

They open the door to the vehicle and step inside to find Louise, Chris, Pj, and Sophie all sat down, most with drinks of pop in hand. Chris and Louise are performing some sort of duet while Sophie wipes of the foam off Pj's nose (presumably from his can of rootbeer).

"Oh, look! Dan and Phil! Welcome, boys!" Louise says, sausage curls bouncing and blue eyes alight with excitement. They lean down to hug Louise, one at a time. Other greetings are exchanged between all the party (A chorus of "My sons!", "Lovebirds!", and a more regular, "Aw, my old chaps returned from the war" from Sophie) before Dan and Phil take a seat next to Louise. Dan ends up chatting away, his inner social butterfly coming out. _It's almost like he's an unsocial caterpillar, metamorphosing as soon as he gets around people he's comfortable with_ , Phil notes. Right after Dan 'metamorphoses' he seems to instantly charm everyone. Phil takes pride in the fact Dan's always an open butterfly with him. 

Phil takes a moment to really examine the interior while everyone else converses. It sure is fancy, and definitely doesn't look cheap. The seats are almost more comfortable than Phil's own bed, and there are large windows that you can see the world go pass through. Music booms through the speakers at high quality and high volume, and there are drinks kept in a small cooler. Just as Phil picks up a cherry coke from said cooler, Dan nudges him. Phil turns to him with a questioning stare.

"Are you okay?" He says, in a lowered tone. 

Phil just flashes him a grin and nods, "Yeah, just lost in thought." 

Dan gives a little movement of his head in understanding, "I get that. Not a bad lost in thought, though, I hope? I'm here." Dan says, and places a hand against Phil's arm and Phil almost swears there are goosebumps, but he ignores it.

He swallows heavily. "Yeah."

"We're he-ere!" Louise singsongs, and tumbles out of the car as fast as she can, the rest of the gang in suit, including both Dan and Phil. They're at an apartment complex- nice one, too. 

Phil has a sudden realization, "Wait. Dan, Dan!"

"What?"

"Her name's not Jodie, you muppet, it's Dodie! Hazel lives here, and Dodie's her roommate!" Phil laughs and smacks Dan in the arm lightly; not unkindly.

"Oh," Dan says, slightly embarrassed. "Well, oops."

Phil just smiles the sunshine smile™.

They trail behind Louise, making sure to keep enough distance just in case anyone's vlogging, but little enough to feel one and other's warmth, even if it's just barely.

Once they enter the building's lobby, they take the lift up to the third floor, where Dodie and Hazel's room lays.

Everyone's practically buzzing now– Louise is always excited for parties and Pj and Soph know Dodie pretty well. Phil knows that Dan figures people that he knows are in there, and of course, they'll all gravitate toward them like a moth to a light.

Phil just hopes that it'll be nice. Most Youtuber parties are, more often than not, but you can always get a rotten one.

They reach room 93, and Louise knocks hastily; excitedly. Almost right away, the door swings open.

Both girls squeal and embrace. "Louise! I'm so glad you could make it!" Dodie exclaims.

"Well, good, because I'm glad to be here." Louise pulls away, smiling, tooth gap fully visible. She enters the room after.

Dodie turns to the rest of the group, glasses hanging off her little nose, and hair framing her face. "You must be Pj, right? We've met before, at SitC."she says to which Pj nods, gives her a one armed hug, and says his congratulations, before moving into the room. "And Sophie, I'm assuming." She smiles brightly, giving her hand to shake and Sophie obliges in doing so.  "Oh! Dan and Phil! I wasn't expecting you, but it's a pleasant surprise!" and Dodie's smile reaches her eyes and Phil can't help but be endeared. Her voice sounds like soft flowers and Dan can understand why she has an EP. 

Phil's the first to give her a hug, and then says, "It's really nice to meet you, Dodie. I've heard wonderful things." and he means it, then he proceeds to shuffle into the room.

Dodie watches him go before turning back to Dan. "Pleasure to meet you, Dan." she says, and awkwardly stands there, not sure whether to hug him or shake his hand or let him be. Dan, living over 25 years of awkwardness, picks up on it and swiftly swoops in for a hug.

"You too, Dodie!" states Dan, before he walks past her, to find Phil watching on the other side.

"Wanna head to the kitchen for snacks?" Phil asks.

Dan rolls his eyes because "Is that even a question? Don't you know by now that food is always at the top of my priorities?" but he smiles fondly anyways because Phil Lester does that to him- does that to everyone, really.

They make their way to the flat's small kitchen, bumping into people on the way and introducing themselves, or greeting them if they already know each other.

Tom is there, so are Jack and Dean, and a lot more familiar faces and suddenly Phil feels more comfortable and secure. Dodie seems like the type of person to surround herself with a positive circle of friends and Phil thinks that because of that everyone here is probably nice, or they must at least have some positive quality about them. Phil's flattered Dodie invited him in the first place, honestly. Phil sits down at one of the counter stools and Dan is quickly by his side, with two plates, both with a variety of (what Phil is assuming) all the sugary things in the snack area, and two beers.

"I know you like your flowery cocktails but I'm afraid they didn't have any." Dan teases, eyes shimmering a bit in the light. They remind Phil of home. Dan's eyes always look so nice in light.

Phil once read this thing where you never realize how pretty brown eyes are until you love someone with brown eyes. He could find himself relating. Phil heaves an over dramatic sigh, "Oh well, not everyone has as good of taste as me. Not everyone can be perfect."

Dan just shoves him, and starts gobbling down some cookie at an impressive pace. "If you say so."

-

Dan is a bit tipsy.

Okay, maybe a bit is kind of an understatement. Dan is a normal amount of tipsy. It isn't like he's completely tabled or anything- just enough to feel the alcohol. Not enough to do anything _completely_ stupid, or to black out, but enough to be way more open and honest. Enough to accidentally let things slip.

It's meant to be a little joke. Just a little prod. Earn a few laughs then move on but Louise looks like she just won a million dollars from the lottery and Chris is smirking because Dan has just said boys are cuter then girls anyway. Louise has a mischievous glint in her eyes and it scares Dan a bit.

Okay, maybe a bit is kind of an understatement.

"We should ditch this place and go to a gay bar," and yeah, that definitely earns her some turned heads and raised eyebrows but does Louise give a fuck? No, because she's Louise.

Chris nods his head, "Man, I haven't had a boyfriend in forever."

"We know, sweetheart." Louise says, and then snorts and Chris just glares at her.

"I'm not sure it's the best idea guys. I mean, we're all tipsy, and I can't trust Louise with situations that won't end awkwardly sober," Dan points out, crossing his arms and biting at his bottom lip.

Chris rolls his eyes, "Oh, come on Dan! Live a little for once! Take a risk!"

Dan just mutters a "fine" because peer pressure, and both his companions cheer in triumph. Dan doesn't like the way this night is unraveling. He slips off to go to the bathroom, not unnoticed however.

"Where are you going?" Louise calls after him, and he shouts over his shoulder that he's going to check his appearance if they're really going to do this (and the boy has a realization for a second of _oh god, we're really going to do this_.)

He approaches the sink, and splashes some water on his face, before looking up into the eyes of himself in the mirror of the dimly lit bathroom. It's not like he looks bad or anything, he just looks _Dan_. He hears the door to the bathroom opening and sees Phil enter through the reflection in the mirror, right before he feels someone turning him around and placing their hands on his shoulders.

"You okay?" Phil says, and his tone is so soft it makes Dan's heart hurt.

Dan doesn't even try to pretend. "I mean, I could be worse but stupid Louise and Chris want me to go to a _gay club_ , Phil. For _boy watching_." Dan groans and let's his head fall, causing it to bump into Phil's chest.

"I'll go with you if you want," Phil gives his best friend a smile. Dan looks up, and smiles back.

"Are you sure? It'll probably like one of those secondary school dances where someone spikes the punch and everyone gets drunk and things get crazy and you feel like you're gonna puke but you keep dancing and the only thing keeping you there is the food but it makes you feel sick– all that, except gay." Dan rambles, and then both he and Phil burst out laughing.

"I love the way your brain works." Phil says, "but really, if it's for you, I don't mind. I don't want you to be uncomfortable and alone." _or find somebody else, at least without me there,_ Phil adds in his own brain, before shaking away the thought, because he's never been a person for jealousy.

They turn together to exit the bathroom, and if Dan slips his hand into Phil's, he doesn't acknowledge it verbally. But actions speak louder than words anyway, Phil answers with a squeeze and drawn patterns onto the back of the other's hand.

When they leave the bathroom however, they quickly separate. You never know who could be watching. Filming. Taking photos or looking for evidence.

You would think it's something you get used to, right? That's what Dan thought too, and sure he has gotten used to being more conservative in case there is a camera around but he's never gotten fully _used to it_. He's still not, and he doesn't think anyone else truly is either.

(He talks to Phil about how weird it is to realize how real and normal everyone he looked up to is. How they're not perfect. The fact that him,  the viewer, has become the viewed. He was part of the audience but now he _has_ an audience. Phil replies with something about how he looks up to his plants and they're perfect and not normal, but then answers seriously to Dan.

Dan admires how Phil is ever positive and light and funny, but not in the way that he's pushing Dan away. Dan likes that Phil makes him feel valid, and he can only hope the same is true on Phil's side.)

They come to an abrupt halt in front of Chris and Louise. "There you are Dan! Oh, and Phil, are you coming too?" Louise smiles a bright smile that Dan vaguely remembers thinking was such a _Louise_ smile because it was all genuine and tooth gap and the fact that he and Phil have the power to make people that happy- not to mention, people like her, phenomenal people and thousands of others makes him feel awed and a little dizzy.

He must be tipsier than he thought.

"If Dan's going, I am," Phil lets his default lopsided smirk rest on his face. _And it rests nicely, too,_ Dan notes to himself. Chris makes puking noises and tells the two they are giving him multiple cavities. Phil starts up again, "However, I'm a bit worried about any of our fans being there, are you guys not? I mean, let's think about this logically, it's a _gay_ bar. If we get caught there, their every suspicion is confirmed." He's frowning. 

"I mean, yeah, but you could also get laid!" Louise yells a bit too loudly. Louise has an absolute no-craps-about-anyone-or-anything persona when she gets drunk. She's already bullheaded sober but liquor seems to enhance it and bring it out more.

Phil's frown has only deepened at this point, so Dan speaks up, "Phil, no one gets your point better than I do, and you don't have to come but I'm going either way. I'm pretty sure the fans already know I'm bi as fuck anyway." 

Dan's friend still seems too hesitant; too cautious but he nods anyway and Louise is beaming and she says she'll call a cab, or an uber, or something, Dan can't quite recall.

They say goodbye to Dodie before they leave, congratulating her, and she gives Dan and Phil her number, and says they're welcome any time.

Dan's pressed up against against the window, completely and utterly smushed because Chris thought it would be a great idea for all four of them to squeeze in the back of a small vehicle. Louise is draped across all of them and Phil is practically on Dan's lap. Chris' head is rested on Phil's shoulder.

It is the most uncomfortable thing but they can't stop themselves from laughing a ridiculous amount. The car ride takes roughly fifteen minutes, and by the end of it Dan's stomach is aching with laughter and with how sore the compromised position made him. He emerges with an upset stomach and a bunch of new inside jokes.

The gay bar is called _Heartbeat_ , written in hot pink calligraphy on a neon light sign above the door.

And then, they walk inside and it's all flashing lights and booming music and people wearing the scent of alcohol as if it was perfume. Dan can see Phil's adam's apple bob and see his hands fidgeting nervously from the corner of his eye and a wave of guilt hits him because he knows that this is his fault, he knows that he's the one who caused Phil to be so cautious in 2012 and that the sense of nervousness embedded into Phil's brain by Dan, himself, never left. And he feels bad about it- _god,_ does he feel bad about it. But he doesn't know how to fix it, so he represses it along with everything else.

There are chairs off to the side, away from other people and everyone immediately gathers towards them. "I'm starting to regret this." Dan mumbles, the words coming out under his breath but his friends still hear him either way.

"I don't know, mate, I'm enjoying the view." Chris says, eyes trailing over bare torsos and clothed ones alike. Dan allows himself to laugh and shoves Chris before Louise pipes in.

"It's too late to quit now, anyway." She shakes her head, blonde sausage-like curls shake from side to side with her.

"Guys, I'm gonna go find the bathroom, I forgot to before we left." Phil says, without anyone turning to face him at first.

"Phil, I told you to go three times before we left!" Dan hisses, but when he looks over at his friend there's something off in his demeanor and Dan can't place it because Phil's Phil and he's never been easy to read. Phil is a enigma, even to Dan. He's as complex as a rubik's cube.

"I know, I know, but I didn't listen." Phil tries to pass off what he hopes is a casual shrug, and he smiles, but Dan is looking at him with the i-know-you're-lying-but-i'm-caught-between-confronting-you-or-respecting-your-space expression and Phil knows he's not convincing enough even though Chris and Lou both nod.

Phil leaves, and Dan doesn't follow him. He's worried he'll seem clingy or weird, because who follows their best friend to the bathroom?

"Daaaaan," Louise drawls; Dan just glares. " _Daaaaaaaaaaan,_ " She says again. "Dan!" this one's sudden and abrupt and Dan gives in.

"What?" He groans, letting his face fall into his friend's lap. He honestly just doesn't want to be here anymore.

"You should let me do your make-up." and Dan's head jolts up so quickly his spine pops for a second and he hits Louise in the chin, "Ow," She pouts, and rubs the spot.

"Are you serious, Lou? I have nothing against make-up, you know that, or guys wearing make-up but I'm not so sure about me wearing make-up, you know?" Dan says, all obvious jitters and jumpiness. Louise just blinks at him a few times, then she starts cackling. Dan's confused, "What? What's so funny?" he questions.

"You're nervous. Because of make-up. It's a fucking tube of lipstick Dan, it's not gonna bite you." Louise says through giggles and Chris joins in, laughing and smacking his leg, and Dan just huffs and crosses his arms like a stubborn child.

Through his grumbling, Louise already got together the necessary tools. "Okay, so, I'm just going to do for you what I do for myself for a night out at the town," she pauses, "or a date night." she wiggles her eyebrows.

Meanwhile, Phil stares at his own eyes in the mirror, suppressing the urge to cry. He barely even knows why, he's just worried something's going to happen- someone's going to see them, take pictures, post them everywhere. And he hates places like this. Not gay bars in general, just loud places that make his head spin and everyone's sweaty. It's hard to explain. 

Then there's Dan. And the fact Dan _wanted_ to come here. And the fact Dan's tipsy, and don't misunderstand Phil here, he trusts Dan's judgement but there's always a risk he'll regret it in the morning. And the fact Dan probably wants a significant other, – not only that, a not-Phil significant other. 

Phil's loved Dan since they met. (Not in that way, though.) Obviously he has. And the lines have always been slightly blurry, they flirt(ed), they cuddle(d), they were best friends and that worked for them. _Still_ does work for them. Phil doesn't exactly remember the moment he fell in love with Dan, but he remembers the first time he _realized_ he was in love. It was in 2011, just a while after Dan had moved in. He doesn't remember the date, which okay, is admittedly a little frustrating for him but it's alright. He and Dan had been bundled up together on the couch, ankles linked, hands tangled up, a mess of blankets. Phil vaguely remembers Dan's head in his lap at one point, and fingers in his hair, and the telly was on in the background but neither of them were paying attention. The realization had struck Phil like a train at high velocity, and he panicked. He quickly excused himself, saying that he was really tired, and got up from the couch, and Dan gave him the classic i-know-you're-lying-but-i'm-caught-between-confronting-you-or-respecting-your-space look, before getting up too and hugging his friend which only made Phil's breathing more labored. Dan whispered, "Okay," and "goodnight, Phil." then retired to his own bed.

Phil knew he was fucked.

He still is.

He exits the bathroom to find Louise applying mascara to Dan's left eyelashes, and then she announces, "Done!" She hands Dan a mirror, and Dan smiles a red lipped smile and his eyeliner is so winged it could fly off his face. Phil ends up making a strangled sound out of surprise. He looks nice.

Dan turns to him and quirks an eyebrow, and Phil feels red rush to his face. He sits down next to Chris, who leans into him and pats his back with a warm smile. "It'll be okay mate, don't worry, relax." he coos. Phil nods and does his best to do just that: don't worry,  relax.

Louise turns to all the boys, "So? See anything you like?" 

Dan bites his tongue and resists the urge to turn to Phil and say you because that's not how they are anymore. 2011 ended a long time ago. Dan suppressed his feelings a long time ago. (or at least that's what he tells himself, until drunk days or late nights where he realizes _fuck. They've not gone away._ )

Chris and Phil both say yes, ("It's time to move on, Phil," Martyn had said when they saw each other last, a sad sort of sparkle in his eyes.) and then laugh as they point to the exact same guy, curly hair, green eyes. "You take him," Phil says, flashing Chris a bright smile.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, he looks an awful lot like Pj. We've been waiting for you to get over him for a long time." So Chris goes, throwing a wink and a thanks over his shoulder as he does.

"Is there anyone else, Phil?" Louise asks, sausage curls falling around her neck, still somehow in perfect shape.

Phil begrudgingly scans the room, his eyes land on the cutest boy he can find in here. He's bundled up in a sweater, his face is covered in freckles and he has tiny dimples with the most hazel eyes Phil's ever seen, and he's sitting at the bar just a little bit away. Phil points.

"Go get 'im, tiger," Louise cheers.

With that, Phil approaches, and sits down. "Can I buy you a drink?" he asks, smirking at the boy. 

He smiles back, and nods, "That would be nice. I'm Jack, by the way." Jack's smile widens even farther, and his hand reaches out to shake Phil's.

"Phil," Phil says, letting his smile match Jack's. He gives his hand a warm shake and drops it.

"Are you okay?" Jack says, smile fading off his face.

Phil just shrugs, "Yeah."

"I don't believe you." and Jack gives a sad smile, "Are you here to try to forget someone, too?" And Phil nods, honestly, because Jack's eyes are such a warm color, swirls of green and brown and just pretty. "It's okay, me too. Phil, you seem lovely, I'd love to get together with you some time, but I need to make sure you have no chance with this person yet. Are you comfortable to talk about it?"

And Phil is, so he talks about almost everything that's happened because he's a bit intoxicated after buying them both drinks and it feels _so good_ to get this off his chest. At the end, Jack speaks up. "You're different then me, Phil. You still have a chance, you should talk to him." and then he gives Phil his number ("For platonic uses only, okay?" Jack says) and kisses his cheek, then he's gone.

Phil comes back over, and asks an all too tense Dan if they can go home who just grumbles a sure under his breath, then they say goodbye to Louise and give her hugs. 

The tube ride on the way home is awkward. Both boys are silent the entire time which is quite a rarity, if they're being completely honest. It was a sort of silence where it was suffocating, not comfortable or cozy; the type that can put you into a state of unease.

When they reach the flat, Dan tries to immediately scurry off to his room, but Phil grabs his wrist, securing him to the spot. "I love you, you know that right?" Phil thinks his entire body's shaking- or maybe it's Dan, or both of them. 

Dan nods, "I love you too," he says, barely even audible, voice cracking in the middle. And then, Phil lets go.

 

Before Dan sleeps that night, he finds himself thinking about tonight's events and realizes that all the progress he's made shoving this crush down has been unraveled and that to prevent Phil from going out with someone else, maybe it's time he starts being more open with his feelings.

-

Two weeks after the party, Dan and Phil are in their café. It's the place they go whenever they're out, which is uncommon nowadays, but Christmas shopping is already stressing Phil out, so they bought all the gifts for their respective families, and some for friends. The café's full of little plants and the people, including the owners: a girl with caramel hair, and another with pink tipped hair. A group of friends sit off to the side in a booth, containing a girl with purple hair and deep blue eyes sitting next to a girl with black hair and glasses, and a brown haired girl with glasses and cat like features wearing a shirt that says "i love italy" and a girl with blonde hair and eyes that look like a sunset over the sea, all chatting avidly amongst each other. There's an even bigger squad of people at a table in the middle of the shop seemingly talking about Thomas Sanders. Dan loves how this place is _alive_. Phil plops down into one of the booths by the window, putting his caramel macchiato down before letting his head fall on the table instantly and groaning. Dan follows in suit, sitting next to him, and placing his cup of plain black coffee down. 

(Dan always prefers sitting next to him rather than across from him and he doesn't really know why. Maybe it's the fact he can feel Phil's warmth, and their arms brush, or the fact Phil's face is closer, and he can see all the colors of his eyes.)

These past two weeks haven't been too different, but Dan has been making an effort to be more forward, and he thinks Phil has started to pick up on his hints. He hopes so.

Abruptly, Phil lets out what seems to be a squeal and it startles poor Dan so badly he jumps and almost falls out of the booth, before Phil grabs him and proceeds to shake him, "Dan! Dan! It's _snowing_!" 

Sure enough, Dan looks out the window and it's snowing and he smiles. Phil turns to him and his eyes are glittering, "I know we said we would save that champagne for a day we're celebrating something, but it's snowing. That's something to celebrate right?" 

Dan sighs, "I guess so," and Phil cheers. They finish up their coffee with a good share of banter, and awful puns, then set out for home, each carrying a few grocery bags. The good thing about the café - Narnes and Bobles™ - is that it's within walking distance from their apartment building. ("Hey Phil?" "Yeah?" "Let's go home," so they do.)

When they arrive, they ascend up the stairs to the kitchen, and as soon as they get there, Dan is unplugging the cork of the champagne and pouring each of them a glass. He hands one to Phil, "Raise a glass," he says, clinking their glasses together and downing his right away much to Phil's surprise. Phil continues just to sip his.

A couple of glasses and half of High School Musical later, Dan and Phil are sufficiently intoxicated. Something is happening on screen, but Phil can't really tell seeing as Dan will _not_ be quiet. He's oddly entranced with Troy Bolton's life in his (barely) drunken haze. It isn't like he's completely tabled or anything- just enough to feel the alcohol. Not enough to do anything _completely_ stupid, or to black out, but enough to be way more open and honest. Enough to accidentally let things slip.

"Dan, please, you warthog, I'm trying to watch the movie." Phil says, and then sticks his head in the crook of Dan's neck. He figures it is his imagination when he hears Dan's breath stutter in rhythm for a second.

"No," Dan says, playfully, with just a hint of sternness in his tone, and Phil can feel him moving his jaw. Dan can feel Phil's mouth curl into a smile on his neck, and he tries to restrain chills from running down his spine. 

"Please?" Phil mumbles against his skin.

Dan shivers, and gulps hard in his throat, before croaking out, "Make me."

Phil raises his head, a look of utter surprise on his face: eyebrows raised, mouth slightly agape. They're so _close_ together and Dan can hear the other boy's breath hitch. And then there are lips on his and Dan is melting. He is melting like ice cream on a hot summer day, and his brain short circuits for a long while and he doesn't do anything, just tenses. He doesn't grab Phil, doesn't kiss back, he tries but he just can't function because he's on a couch but his knees are weak and he's dizzy and _is this a dream?_ but then Phil's lips are gone and he doesn't even chase them. He can't. 

"I, oh my god, Dan, I'm so sorry. I just- I'm drunk. I'm sorry, I thought that's how you felt, you've kinda been dropping hints I've thought? Regardless, I'm probably, ha, imagining it. It's- uh - it's fine you don't. I," cough, "I, um, I'm gonna go." Phil forces a minuscule laugh, the most obviously fake thing Dan's ever heard, and then his friend bolts - _literally bolts_ \- out of the room. Phil never runs.

Dan fucked up. He just got everything he's ever wanted and he managed to screw up.

Dan hates himself.

-

After Phil reaches his room he wastes no time to fling himself onto the bed. He groans and buries his face in his pillow and breathes for a while, maybe or maybe not crying a little at some point.

He doesn't know how long it's been, but he figures about an hour as he heard Dan go to his room 40 minutes ago. When Phil's sure Dan's asleep, he calls Louise, desperate and stress ridden. "Hello, Phil, love. Was there something you needed?" is the first thing she says, and her voice is so soothing to Phil it's ridiculous.

"Um, I made a mistake, and I kinda need a place to stay?" It comes out as more of a question than a statement, and Phil makes sure to keep his voice low. He can hear Louise let out an astonished gasp, and poorly try to conceal it as a cough.

"What? Dan kicked you out?!" He can tell she's trying to keep her voice calm and neutral but he can hear the anger and astoundment seep into her tone, mothering tendencies kicking in, like she's suddenly locked into the mindset of _protect Phil, protect Phil, protect Phil_.

"No, no, it's not his fault, I-" he's surprised when a quiet dry sobbing sound passes his lips, "S-Sorry, Louise, I-"

"Oh, Phil," and her voice holds such tenderness he has to bite his lip to withhold another sob. He wipes his eyes with his free hand, he doesn't want the world to go blurry again.

"I feel terrible, because Matt and his family are actually staying for all of December, and I have all the rooms and couches taken up, even a few spots on the floor. We're super packed, if you really need the place you can come, of course, I just don't think it'd be the best for you right now." her voice drops to a whisper, "It is literal _hell_ , Phil, I am barely holding on. Half of his family hates me because I'm "the terrible ex wife" and they're driving me crazy. When Matt asked to bring his family for December, I expected his mum, his dad, and his siblings not his entire fucking extended family,"

Phil manages a chuckle, but it must sound as sorry as Phil feels because Louise sighs, and he can imagine the pity pooling in her eyes. "I'll find somewhere else, don't worry, Lou. Good luck with the family."

"You're an angel, Phil. I love you. Take care of yourself, okay? Keep in touch," Her voice is soft, Phil's unsure 'okay' is even softer, and then he listens to the staticky silence of the hung up line for a bit.

Phil inputs the numbers in hesitantly, he knows these people are terribly nice - so sweet it causes diabetes, - of course he does, but he still isn't sure whether they're close enough friends. Yet, he has no where else to go. 

So bracing himself, and biting his inner cheek, he presses call. "Phil?" An easeful Irish voice fills his ears.

"Yeah, uh, hi Hazel, I know this is out of the blue but I have something big to ask you and Dodie, so if you could get her and put me on speaker, that'd be great." He says, full of nerves.

"Of course, babe, one second." Hazel says, and he hears a muffled, "Dodes! Get your arse over here!" and then Hazel's back again, "She'll be here in just a second."

"Thank you," he shudders out an unstable breath.

"No problem," And he imagines Hazel's smiling.

"Who is it?" he hears Dodie whisper.

"Phil," Hazel says at a normal volume back, then, "You're on speaker now, love."

"Um, you guys might want to sit down for this." There's a harmony of 'okay', and Phil squeezes his eyes shut and takes a deep breath. He can do this. "I don't really have a place to stay right now, and I hate to inconvenience you, but Louise's house is packed and you two are both lovely and I.. I just," Phil tries to think of the words but he can't get them and he trails off so they speak up.

"Of course you can stay!" Hazel says, "Phil, you're an amazing guy, we'd love to keep you here for a while. It'll be like a sleepover every night, and it'll give you a chance to get to know Dodie," 

"I'd love you to come, Phil! You seem nice and I think we'd make good friends," Phil lets himself smile.

"Is there anyway I can come tonight?" his voice is wavering; hesitant.

"Yes, don't be silly." Hazel says, and Dodie hums in agreement. And then they end the call, and Phil's packing.

Nobody has to know if he starts crying when he's packing his clothes and finds Dan's jumper in his dresser, and ends up packing it anyway.

 

When he's finished, he leaves on the tube at midnight, arms heavy with a suitcase and heart heavy with emotion.

Phil arrives at the Dazel home at 12:30 a.m., both Dodie and Hazel opening the door for him and after seeing his red rimmed eyes, both give him a hug.

"Aw, Phil," Hazel says, as if he'll break if she speaks too loud. That's how everyone's been addressing him tonight. It's a little belittling, but then Phil realizes, he probably would end up breaking if they spoke too loud.

After the three of them part, Dodie gives him a morose smile and leads him into the lounge where two couches are pushed together to make a makeshift bed, about five pillows are piled up on it and two blankets and there are fairy lights in little balls and it almost feels like home. The Dazel flat is so full of warmth it makes his heart sing. 

"You guys are saints. You didn't ask for any explanation and didn't even hesitate. I can't explain how grateful I am, you let me stay here with open arms." Phil says, dropping his suitcase, weight lifting from his arms. (and a little bit from his heart from the girls' smiles, though he'll never admit it.)

"Phil, please, we're just doing what any good friends would do." Dodie says, "I may have just met you, but Hazel's known you since 2011, and we both love you." (Phil finds himself thinking that wow, a lot happened in two thousand and eleven.)

"Still," and the smile feels genuine on Phil's face. 

The trio stays up talking until about 2 a.m., when Dodie starts yawning every ten seconds, and Hazel says it's probably about time they all have a rest. Phil's too tired to argue. They share a group hug, and then Dodie turns off the light when she leaves. Phil settles into the surprisingly comfortable mess of pillows and sheets, and finds himself sleeping strangely easily.

 

The next day, in the Howell&Lester flat, Dan wakes up with a roaring headache. His ears are ringing and his head pounding, and he's not sure if it's from a hangover or from crying or both. The flat is the most silent it's been in months. Which is pretty. odd, because it's 1 p.m. and Phil usually gets up at the 7-10 range, and then tries to be quiet, he really does, but he just isn't. Dan finds the noise comforting, as a matter of fact. It's absence is disconcerting. 

He gets up to check for Phil, when he notices a few items laying on his bedside table. He goes for the advil and water first, trying to soothe his raging head, then moves on. There's a green metallic envelope, reading nothing but Dan on the front and he immediately recognizes the scrawl as Phil's handwriting. He grabs it, and as delicately as possible (which is barely at all), opens it. Inside is a small slip of paper, reading as follows:

_Dan,  
I need some time. It's completely fine you don't feel the same way about me, but I need some time to be unmortified. Not mortified. Whatever. I love you (don't let that weird you out, nothing's changed I swear). I trust you not to burn down the flat or leave the house plants unattended. I'm not sure when I'll be back, and I hope you aren't to hurt by me not feeling comfortable telling you where I am. I am coming back though, promise. x  
Yours truly, (creator of the year) Phil ^_^_

Dan's brow furrows. Driving Phil away was the absolute worst thing Dan could've done, yet here he is. God, he is _such_ an idiot. He'll call Phil, he has to answer eventually, right?

Dan gets up to make himself breakfast, he is going to attempt to make himself some American-style self-pity pancakes.

After he eats breakfast whilst wallowing in his own sadness, he decides to call Phil. Every time, there is no result, and Dan's a bit concerned. Phil wouldn't have blocked him right? He would, however, decline his calls, as Dan knows.

Oh god, what if Phil did block him? He won't even have any sort of communication with his best friend for however long. He wants to fix this. He loves Phil, he really does, and he just wishes he hadn't been so stupid.

Phil continues to decline his calls, and Dan ends up crying into his syrup.

-

For the next five days, Phil doesn't leave the two girls' flat for anything, and they don't seem to mind. They do, however, seem concerned: Dodie openly flashing him anxious eyes and Hazel more casually asking if he's okay. He answers yes most the time, because he's as okay as he can be right now. 

He is ashamed in every sense of the word. Because of Dan, because of not getting off Hazel and Dodie's couch, because of plenty of other things. He can't fix most of these but he can fix one of them.

Dodie's taking a nap and Hazel's out with Jack, so Phil figures it's safe if he's not noisy.

Phil closes his eyes and counts to ten, before springing out of bed before he can lose his determination. He pulls himself off of the couch and into the bathroom. Phil changes out of his cookie monster pyjama pants and his plain white shirt, and changes into his Papyrus shirt and sweatpants. Most days, Phil likes to be presentable, today, however, is not on of those days. He rests his glasses on his nose and exits.

The boy walks into the Dazel flat kitchen. He figures that all of the baking videos over the years had to help with something, right? 

Since it's Christmas season, Phil ciphers that some home made eggnog and some sweet cookies with copious amounts of sugar wouldn't go unappreciated by his flatmates(?).

Seeing as Dodie is asleep, it's not like Phil can just blast Christmas music. That would be absolutely rude- Phil's already staying under their roof expense free, he doesn't want to become even more cumbersome. He grabs his headphones which are on the couch from listening to Dodie's EP before he slept last night – he quite likes it actually, – and lets Mariah Carey's All I Want For Christmas fill his ears.

Baking is fun. There's never a time Phil doesn't enjoy baking unless he feels like a failure and ends up on the floor covered in flour, crying (personal experience that Phil would rather not relive). But it's not as fun without Dan. 

 

Just because it's not as fun doesn't mean Phil won't survive. He can cope, adapt like some animal, learn the ways of punctuated equilibrium. Evolve or die. He's been thrusted into a situation, now he has to learn to handle it. 

And Phil realizes, when the cookies come out in perfect shape that he misses home. He misses Dan.

"Mm, that smells lovely, Phil," Dodie's voice chimes from behind him, and he turns around to give her a smile, unplugging his headphones while he's at it.

"You guys have been so hospitable and I wanted to get out of my bubble of shame so I figured, why not bake some sugar cookies and make some homemade eggnog?" says Phil, picking up the cookies and resting them on the table to cool. The eggnog is done at this point in time, and is sitting in the fridge.

Dodie's eyes light up at the mention of eggnog, "You made us homemade eggnog?? Phil Lester, you are a genius! Can I have some?" She asks, bubbling like an excited child. Or a geyser. Geyser child.

Phil nods, and gives her one thumbs up before a loud eruption of sound interrupts there comfortable conversation. Phil immediately recognizes it as the final fantasy victory theme and pulls out his phone. He reads the contact name, sighs, and declines the call.

Dodie lifts her head from the glass of eggnog she'd just prepared, letting Phil occupy her attention instead, "Who was that?" Dodie tilts her head to the side and Phil internally awes because she looks like a puppy.

"Oh, nobody important." Phil shrugs it off. That's the opposite of true and Dodie deserves a better answer – she seems to know it too, raising a questioning eyebrow. "Fine. It was Dan."

"Oh," She's at a loss for words, and she keeps opening her mouth then closing it again. Phil can't blame her in the slightest, it's not like he's told them anything.

Phil hums a response. They sit in silence for a while, but it's not quite uncomfortable. If anything, it's unusually nice. Everything is so still, and for a moment Phil can breathe. 

But, all good things come to an end.

"Oh my God, Phil, this eggnog is spectacular! If you make eggnog this well we might have to keep you around forever." she gives him a toothy smile and Phil decides that he really, really likes Dodie.

"I am the best this side of the Atlantic," he teases, causing a little burst of laughter from Dodes, and in turn, himself.

"Right, of course you are." A cheeky smile rests on her lips.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Phil asks, mock-defensiveness in his voice.

"Oh, nothing." Dodie rolls her eyes in some sassy way and Phil finds himself almost do it as well. Phil's about to say something when "You know, Phil, I'm always here if you need someone to talk to. I won't pressure you or anything, but if what happened between you and Dan ever starts to eat you up, you don't have to suffer alone. Please know that."

Phil's pretty sure his mouth is hanging ajar and he quickly snaps it shut. He's never been the best with words ("That's always been more of Dan's thing," he tells his mom one time on holiday when she asks about how Dan is and it quickly escalates into a full depth conversation about how each of them act; what they both do, what only one of them does, how they complement each other, etc.), but he still wants to convey his gratitude, so he leans forward, arms outstretched, and Dodie and him fall into an embrace. Phil thinks he could get used to this.

After a while, they break apart. Phil says thank you, and he means it. Dodie just smiles, and gives him a thumbs up. 

"Would you like to decorate the cookies with me?" Phil asks, or more like blurts, right when Dodie's about to leave the room. Dodie seems to have a tendency to light up like a Christmas tree, because there she is again, eyes excitedly alive, and she nods like there's nothing in the world she'd rather be doing. Dodie makes Phil feel valid.

Dodie's cookies look like the definition of perfection, whereas Phil's are mainly a mess. However, he takes pride in how creative his are, and Dodie says he should be proud, she knows how creative he is. They end up laughing about how his Santa cookie's eyes are odd, one much bigger than the other. Phil feels fully at ease for the first time in 5 days. They decide to wait until Hazel gets home to eat their 'masterpieces'. 

"You know, I don't even like eggnog that much, or I didn't a few years ago. I haven't tried it since. It was good, but really frothy." he scrunches his nose up. Dodie looks surprised.

"Really? For someone who doesn't like eggnog, you certainly make it well." She elaborates on her confused stance.

Phil let's a little smile rest on his face. "I haven't tried mine yet, maybe I'll like it better. I was afraid it was going to turn out terribly, if I'm being genuine." He pulls it out of the fridge, and pours himself a glass, which Dodie gives grabby hands for. He chuckles, and gives it to her, then _actually_ pours himself a glass.

He takes a sip, and he's pleasantly surprised, "Wow, it's actually pretty good."

Dodie just about chokes on her eggnog, "Pretty good? You're being humble, Phil. This is the best bloody eggnog I've ever had."

Suddenly, there's the sound of the door to the flat opening, and both Dodie and Phil just assume it's Hazel. Their suspicions are confirmed just a few minutes later when the girl appears in the doorway, some sort of glow about her. She beams when she sees the cookies and eggnog, "Who-?"

"Phil," Dodie says, the name resting warmly on her tongue. Hazel comes up and gives him a hug, which Phil is more than happy to reciprocate. 

"Bless you, Phil Lester. Honestly, if you keep being the doll you are, making us food, watching marathons with us, heck, making me Hazeltinis, we might just have to keep you." She winks.

"Here! Try this eggnog, it's amazing!" Dodie says and practically shoves a glass in Hazel's hands.

Hazel takes it, almost dropping it in the process – thank god she doesn't, – and tries a sip. Her eyes widen.

"Dodie isn't exaggerating, Phil, are you sure you _made_ this?" She asks, seemingly slightly bewildered.

"I told you I could open a bar," Phil shrugs.

"Yeah, one full of twelve year olds." Phil snorts at Hazel's teasing tone, "Not bashing on twelve year olds or anything– I was one once, believe it or not, and I know some are super intelligent or whatever. I'm just saying."

Dodie laughs, "We're not going to jump you, Hazel."

Both Phil and Hazel join in with her laughter.

-

Two days later, Phil finds himself pushed against the arm of the disassembled couch-bed; now just back to two couches. Hazel leans on the other arm, opposite to him, and Dodie leans fully against her. They stole his blue and green blanket from him so he became a pillow hog out of spite, and stole the rest of the blankets. Phil can be malicious if he has to.

When Phil was finished filming a collab with Dodie and Hazel, Hazel was finished editing Time Of The Month October, and Dodie was finished filming multiple Christmas videos for when she went home for the holidays, they all sat in the kitchen together, cups of steaming tea in each of their hands. Phil mentioned something about Studio Ghibli, and Hazel let out an excited squeal, and said she'd actually seen one of those. Dodie just cocked her head to the side curiously, "When? With whom?" and Hazel answered begrudgingly with cheeks tinted slightly pink, "Jack."

Turns out, she had seen When Marnie Was There, and absolutely loved it. It just so happens, Phil has heard about it and has been wanting to see it for weeks, but Dan and him have been so busy– it slipped their minds.

So Phil agreed, nodding eagerly. Dodie was just along for the ride, really.

The two girls still haven't shut up about Phil's eggnog, saying he could get famous off of it. Phil still doesn't believe them.

One of Phil's prized pillows from the pillow mountain was abruptly ripped out from under his head, and he turned to find the culprit was Hazel. "Relinquish your pillows at once!" Hazel bellows, and Dodie frowns and moans at all Hazel's movement, disrupting her from her place on her lap. Dodie is clearly very tired (she'd been filming _all day_ , Phil can't blame her.), and maybe a just a little bit grumpy.

Phil's not going to go down without a fight, though, and he swings one of the bigger pillows at Hazel. However, she manages to snatch another pillow from his pile as he does so, and makes a shield with them. 

When Phil hits her in the face especially hard on accident, Hazel pauses the movie. "Oh, you're on." They continue on like that for a small while, before Dodie is snatching both of their pillows, plus the entirety of the pillow mountain, and rolling off the sofa onto the floor.

The other two can't help it, it's so funny they start actually cracking up. They're letting out full fits of hyena laughter that leave them both breathless and even Dodie smiles, before she tries yet again to sleep. She seems to have protected the popcorn bowl whilst they were fighting, because she's smart, and they take it back from her, and try to finish the rest of the movie. Hazel ends up falling asleep on couch #1 right before the movie ends, which is the more comfortable of the two couches.

Phil finishes the movie, then he turns off the tv and the DVD player. He props one of the three remaining pillows under Hazel's head, and switches his duvet resting on her out for a different blanket, and spreads that over her. He gives Dodie a blanket as well, then lays his blue and green duvet as well as two pillows on couch #2, the lump McLump couch, and unplugs the fairy lights. He falls onto the couch, and lays sideways, before falling into sleep's embrace.

-

Dodie rudely awakens to the sound of a high pitched shrill ringing, and realizes it's her phone. She speedily dashes out of the room before anyone else wakes up, and answers it.

"Jesus, Louise, it's 7 a.m.," she says in a harsh whisper from her room. She shivers, the morning coldness is still hanging around the house.

"Oh, shut it. You know as well as I do that sometimes you stay up until 7." Louise tuts, and Dodie may or may not roll her eyes.

"Yeah, but Hazel and Phil were asleep! Everyone fell asleep in the living room last night!" Dodie exclaims in a hushed tone.

"Oops, sorry." Louise doesn't sound the slightest bit sorry. "So, Phil's there? He asked to come here but I'm fully booked, and turned him down. I'm glad he's not on the streets or anything." 

Dodie smiles, "Yeah, you and me both. He's a good man."

"Yeah, he is. Did you ever find out what Dan did?" Louise asks, seemingly enthralled to find out.

"Nope, I told him he can come to me anytime but he hasn't yet and I respect his decision fully." Dodie answers curtly, quick and to the point.

Louise makes a hum of agreement, "Dan's actually coming over today, and I plan on giving him a talking to. Text me if you find out what he did wrong, okay? I'd hate to chew him out for nothing, not that Phil would leave because of nothing – it's just that those two aren't the best communicators. I've had to be the mediator multiple times! Both of them call me up sounding depressed, and the only reason for it is because they're too scared to talk to the other." She sighs.

Dodie giggles a little, "I'll text you, don't worry. When's Dan coming over so I can know not to text you then?"

Louise says, "Give me a second," before leaving the phone there. She's back around a minute or so later. "2:00, probably. No earlier."

"Okay." Dodie replies, then steers the conversation in a different direction. "Your house still busy??"

"Yep, but today they decided they wanted to go view gardens or something. I volunteered to stay home, because I _need_ some time away from the Watson demons."

They both laugh, before Dodie laments, "Hey, I should probably go, but we'll talk later, right?" 

"Yeah," Louise sounds soft.

"Bye,"

"Toodles."

Dodie hangs up the phone, and sits on her bed for a second. White light is streaming in through her window, and the air is still chilled, but it's so, so silent. The type of silence you can only achieve at morning or when it's snowing. Dodie would count herself as more of a night person, and she rarely wakes up for mornings, but she actually loves them when she's graced enough to be in the early sun's presence.

When Phil wakes up, it's about 10, which is reasonable, because they went to bed at about 1:30 a.m. last night. The flat is bright, and warm, and Dodie's clicking away on her laptop on the extra couch. He sits up and stretches, and lets out a pretty huge yawn, and fumbles blindly for his glasses before placing them on his face.

Dodie turns to him and smiles, "Morning, Phil." 

"Morning, Dodie. Where's Hazel?" he inquires lightly.

Dodie rests her chin on her hand for a second. "With Jack." she pauses, like she has something on her mind. Phil nods at her to try to convince her 'go ahead, you can talk to me, I'm here for you,' "Can I be real a second? I don't wanna put too much on you, but I feel like if we're going to have a friendship we should be honest with each other, good communication is important." Her eyes rest on Phil, waiting for a reply.

He nods, "I completely agree, and feel free to tell me anything. I, personally, think I'm a really open person. I wouldn't judge you."

A small, dainty smile engulfs Dodie's features. "I can believe that." she says, breezily, before continuing. "So, I have a problem with jealousy- not really in a malicious way or anything, I just get really protective over friends and afraid they're gonna be taken away, and I keep it buried up because despite romanticization, jealousy isn't really cute. I guess it could be considered that, in some situations – Christ, I'm not trying to antagonize it – but it's also a horrible feeling, and it can tear apart friendships, leaving everyone involved distraught. Moving on, I love Hazel and Jack very, very, very dearly, you've got to understand that, but I just. I find myself getting super jealous of them both for spending so much time together, and it's not _good_ or _healthy_ and it tears me up inside." She takes in a deep, quivering breath, before concluding. "You don't have to say anything, that just feels really good to get off my chest." 

Phil's across the room with Dodie in his arms before you can say pistachio. She seems grateful, though. "You're really huggy. Not in a bad way, though – I actually quite like it." her voice is a bit muffled.

They pull away. "Thank you for listening, and being kind, I appreciate it, Phil. You're a really good friend from what I can tell, so far."

Phil's swelling a bit on the inside. "It's no problem."

Dodie turns up the flat's heat system, turns on A Christmas Story, pours herself some eggnog, and pours Phil some chocolate almond milk that she finds buried in the back of their fridge. "I like to have almond milk sometimes," she shrugs her shoulders.

They sit in a content silence for the first ten minutes of the movie, before they start making commentary and jokes. Dodie's phone dings somewhere along the line, and a frown replaces her previous sunny look. "What is it?" Phil asks, picking up on the change of atmosphere.

She gives out a tiny forced laugh, "Hazel's not going to be home tonight. Sorry, I must seem pathetic and needy, but I miss her sometimes." 

Phil pats her back, "I understand. I mean, I've felt it before of course, not too much, but even then, Dan felt it all the time–" Phil stops mid sentence, eyes widening, realization settling in, and he snaps his mouth shut. 

Dodie notices, and her expression turns to one of sympathy, "You can tell me, you know." and then Phil can't find himself being able to stop.

He starts at the Intertwined launch party, and ends at now and by the time the story's over his hands are shaking and he's aggressively swiping his eyes to try to rid them of tears. Dodie catches his hands. "Hey, it's okay, Phil. It's alright to cry, you don't always have to be so strong. You've done so well," It's her turn to lead the embrace, and Phil finds himself leaning into it as he hiccups in an ugly way and tries to calm his erratic breath.

"I messed everything up," he says in the faintest voice and it breaks Dodie's heart a little bit, because Phil's great and she can feel for him. She's also suddenly pretty frustrated with Dan.

"No, you didn't, you trust Dan to still be your friend, right?" She asks, trying to grasp as much information as she can.

Phil nods, and sniffs, adjusting his glasses. He hasn't been wearing his contacts at all these past few days because he forgot them at the flat and there's no way he's going back there. Seven years doesn't just mean nothing.

"I might go take a shower, do you mind?" Dodie shakes her head, of course she doesn't mind. 

"Hey Phil?" she calls out.

He pauses on his route, "Yeah?"

"Feel better, okay? You're lovely." she says sincerely.

"Thanks, Dodie. You're a sunshine. I'll see you in a bit." and he collects his clothes, then he's gone.

Dodie pulls out her phone, as soon as she hears the water turn on.

_lou i know what happened_

**_lou!!_**  
Just in time, too, Dodes

 _ **lou!!**_  
Welp, what is it? 

_so phil kissed him when they were a bit intoxicated right and like dan didn't kiss back  and he panicked and left_

**_lou!!_**  
remember what I said about those boys and miscommunication yeah I think that applies here

**_lou!!_ **

Dan l o v e s Phil. That's how it's always been. Phil's not a liar though, so now I'm really confused.

**_lou!!_ **

My doorbell just rang, that must be him. Love u Dodes! Fill you in after xx

_good luck lou, love ya too bye_

Dodie puts her device away with a sigh. Dan's really nice from what she knows, and she needs to let go of her spite for him. She has less of a mother bird personality than Louise, but she's still really fiercely protective over her friends. So with a few deep breaths, she lets her body become less tense.

-

Louise opens the door, "Hey Dan!" she says, when greeted by the familiar face, and goes in for a tiny hug. 

When they disconnect, Louise gets a chance to examine how sunken his eyes are, and how prominent the bags underneath them have become. Dan, with no offense from Louise, looks like a wreck.

"Oh, sweetheart." she speaks delicately, a small exhale passing her lips.

He gives her a grief-stricken smile. They both know what this is about. Louise leads him to the couch, where Dan sits. "I'll get us some tea, okay?" Dan just nods mutely, carefully analyzing his hands in his lap like they're the most fascinating thing in the world.

When she returns, it's with two piping cups of green tea, and she sets them on the table. "They're a bit hot, so you might not want to drink it yet." she warns.

They make small talk for a while, eventually Louise brings up Darcy while redoing her sausage curls into a bun. "I just, I had to explain to her that you have to convey what you're feeling, you know? How important communication is in friendship. I don't think she's really grasped onto it yet, but she's getting there. Her friend Poppy is trying so hard to work things out, but Darcy keeps shutting her down; even if she wants to work things out, too. It's rough to deal with those types of things, don't you think?" Louise looks straight at Dan, but he avoids her eyes anyway he possibly can.

"Yeah, I'm sure it is." the words come out so small, and Dan has to stop himself from wincing.

Louise just hums and taps her long, bubblegum pink painted fingernails on her mug.

"This isn't really about Darcy, is it?" Dan breaks the silence, after it hangs in the air for a few seconds too long. Louise gives him a smile that says 'thank-you-for-addressing-this-instead-of-running-away'– it's a proud sort of grin, yet almost melancholy. She shakes her head.

"No," The blonde admits. 

"This is about him, right?" Dan asks, and he can't even say Phil's name because it hurts. He drove Phil away, and Phil blocked his number, and he's not even sure where Phil is. And he's worried.

Louise gives another little nod, "Dan, why didn't you kiss him?" A frown covers her face.

Dan buries his face in his hands, "It wasn't on purpose." He mumbles, and if Louise didn't have so much Dan mumbling experience she wouldn't have understood a word.

"What do you mean?" She pries.

"He just kisses me out of no where and I short circuit because I've had a huge crush on Phil since forever – Well, technically, like it's always been there no matter how much I deny or repress it – and he has a crush on me? _Dan_?Yes, I'm his best friend, and this isn't 2009 anymore, I'm not just some fan anymore but me? It just sort of blew my mind and I had a thousand thoughts in those like 5 to 10 seconds his lips were on mine, and I couldn't move. I just couldn't move, Louise, and it was terrible. N- Not that Phil was terrible, he was better than I've ever imagined I just–" Dan says, removing his head from from his hands.

Louise shushes him from his rambling, "You need to talk to him." She decides.

"I can't, Louise! He will have literally no contact with me! I don't even know where he is!" he says, so much panic in his voice it makes even Louise nervous just from hearing it.

"Give him time, Dan. Do you really believe Phil would leave you?" She's trying to be her comforting self. And succeeding. "He loves you Dan. You know that. He probably just needs time. He's heartbroken and mortified, but he's Phil. Phil's like a boomerang. He always comes back. He's so nice– he never leaves even when it would be better if he did. Remember Charlie?"

Dan shivers a little at the last part, but slouches into himself. "Why are you always so calm and right?" he asks, flashing Louise a grin.

Louise grins back, "I've got a lot of experience– My own, and yours and Phil's. Seriously, you guys' always come to me in a crisis."

And the two of them laugh. Dan asks if they can watch a movie, and Louise is happy to. She apologizes for the lack of PG 13+ movies, but Dan just shrugs, and grabs Piglet's Big Movie, Brave and Finding Dory from her movie cabinet.

"Marathon sound good?" he asks.

"Marathon sounds good," Louise makes popcorn, and they've got the rest of the night planned out.

Dan ends up sleeping over – only after Louise has confirmation the Watson family (except for Darcy, who's going to be dropped off at 11 a.m. tomorrow) isn't coming home for the next two days, though.

When Darcy does come home the next day, she bounds into the living room and sees a sleeping Dan, and a confused expression passes her face. Louise notices and asks why she's confused. Darcy questions where Phil is, because Dan and Phil are never without each other. Louise laughs a little, but it quickly fades when Darcy says in her cute little voice, "I thought soulmates are usually joined at the hip." 

"Darcy, what ever do you mean?"

"You told me soulmates are like a bigger version of best friends that slot together like puzzle pieces, and there are butterflies but also compromise, mama. You said they laugh together and just genuinely get along together the best they can, you said that was the simple explanation at least."

Louise mouth is agape and she's about to answer when Darcy speaks again. "Sounds a lot like Danny and Phiw if you ask me."

Louise just smiles, "Yeah, I s'pose you're right. Let's go get some breakfast, okay?"

"Okay!"

-

Only a few days later, Dodie calls a meeting in the lounge and declares she's having a Christmas party. She asks for Phil and Hazel's permission, and their help. They both agree.

They all put decorations up together. Dodie is even bold enough to put mistletoe above the kitchen island.

They put together a fake tree – which takes much longer than it should, because of all the teasing involved, – in fact, it takes the entire day, and they have to wait to decorate it.

The next day they do, ornaments and tinsel and rainbow Christmas lights and all. The room looks like Christmas exploded: there are wreaths and fake holly chains and stockings, and because Hazel decided to be responsible and buy her gifts early, there are presents under the tree. 

Phil loves it.

He was starting to run out of clothes, a little while ago. Dodie had said he could borrow some of her clothes, kind little soul she is, however foolish, because tiny little 5'6 Dodie who doesn't have jeans and has a slender waist? That would be a nightmare.

However, he called PJ and the boy had offered to bring him clothes as soon as he asked, because he'd been texting Pj recently and Pj knows he can't go back to the flat right now.

They're big enough, and all the designs are great. They're so very Pj, but Phil likes that.

He had given Pj a hug, and Pj 'just happened' to bring Tokaido and his Wii U (and Smash Brothers) with him, so all four of them ended up playing until late that night.

Pj had given him some Christmas jumpers, to which Phil was increasingly grateful for. Pj was certainly the absolute best.

They have a few last things to do before the party. Figuring out who is invited is the main concern, but there's also snacks. Dodie and Phil plan to go out later today for Christmas shopping anyway, so they decide to hit two birds with one stone. They already have the games planned. That leaves the invites. They invite the regular people: Evan, Luke, Connie (her leg is still broken, but she's out of hospital and on crutches now), Emma, Louise, Pj, Chris, Felix & Marzia (though they never really show up- Marzia has once, during the EP party), Jack and Dean, Tom, Sammy, Tim, Bertie, Sav, the list goes on and on. Phil shouldn't be surprised when Dodie turns to him with a look of seriousness and says, "Should we invite Dan?" because he knew it was coming, but he's still caught off guard.

He bites the inside of his cheek and ponders it for a while before giving a solemn nod, and Dodie writes Dan Howell on their list of guests.

On the night of the party, Phil shouldn't be surprised when he hears Dan's voice in response to Dodie's welcome, because he knew it was coming, but it still catches him off guard.

Dan thinks Phil looks stunning from where he's standing. A christmas jumper – it's either not his or it's new, Dan notices, and it looks like something Pj would wear, glasses, fake antlers, and a little red heart on his nose like he's supposed to be Rudolph. 

Their eyes meet before Phil tears his gaze away to talk to someone on the side of him. What's her name? Dan thinks it's Lucy, though he's not certain. At first, it doesn't feel like anything serious but a few seconds later is when the blow hits him, and he almost wants to cry, but he blinks back the stinging in his eyes. It reminds him of medicine he'd take whenever he got sick at his gran's as a child– sickly sweet at first and vaguely bubble gum tasting but a few seconds later, the aftertaste starts affecting you and it tastes terrible. When he puts it that way, he also realizes that the medicine was to help him feel better, get better and he can only hope the same for the situation that's happening right now. He can only hope that after the bitter flavor stops, and the storm ends, things will get better.

Louise approaches him and puts her hand on the small of his back and he doesn't even try to resist tilting into her. She looks nice tonight, he observes. She's wearing a royal blue dress with diamond shaped stars all over it and a short, black jacket, and it's so very Louise. 

"You should talk to him," she speaks when Dan returns his vision toward the man in question. 

Dan shakes his head stubbornly. "That's a terrible idea, Lou, and you know it." 

Louise gives him a half-hearted chuckle, "Do I really, Dan? No, I don't. You should know Phil after all these years. All he needs is a good explanation, and he'll forgive. He's like a puppy; puppies don't hold grudges." she tries to explain.

Dan emits an amused huff, and shakes his head fondly. "You're not wrong," he says, eyes on Phil laughing by the kitchen.

"I never am, darling," She says, tossing him a wink, and he really can't argue with her because it's true. "Now go talk to him!" she makes a shooing motion with her hand.

He meets Phil next to the kitchen isle he's sitting by, causing the people Phil's talking to beyond the counter raise their eyebrows for various reasons – all going unnoticed to Dan. In the mind of the audience, the first reason for the lifted eyebrows is that Dodie and Hazel are amongst the throng and they know what Dan has done, and the second, more popular reason, is the fact that Dan and Phil are currently under the mistletoe.

"Phil? Can I talk to you?" he says, hoping his voice will go undetected by everyone else. Phil nods, and hops off the stool he was currently sitting on at the counter.

He and Dan try to go to a secluded area– the reason they try to go instead of just going is because they're stopped by a slurring, stumbling Caspar, "Wait, guys, its tradition! I know you're both all no homo or whatever, but if I didn't get out of it with Joe that one time you can't either." He stops his foot, harrumphs, and points his nose in the air.

Dan's eyes furrow in puzzlement and realization dawns on Phil's features. He turns to Dan and simply points up. Dan's gaze follows the finger Phil's pointing until he catches sight of what Phil wants him to focus on. He's slightly terrified to find what he does, and a little gasp escapes his mouth before he can stop it. He's sure his face is flushed a bright pink. 

He wastes no time, because he needs to talk to Phil (the fact he gets to kiss him is only a plus). Without another moment, Dan pecks Phil on the lips before he loses his nerve and a few people in the crowd cheer and wolf whistle, before he detaches himself. Then, he hastily leads Phil away to a more private space. The two can barely hear Louise shouting about how if anyone leaks footage of that kiss she will personally find them and strangle them on their sleep before they leave the front room.

Dan leads them into the bathroom, and shuts the door behind them. Phil's cheeks are as red as the dot on his nose but Dan ignores it, because now is not the time. Now is the time to communicate.

"Can we talk now? Please?" Dan says, his tone desperate. Phil gives him a sorrowful smile, and Dan worries Phil's going to reject him. His idol nods, however, and takes a seat next to Dan on the floor of the bathroom. Dan can't help but heave a small sigh of relief.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to embarrass you–" he starts, but is almost instantly cut off.

"Dan, you shouldn't be sorry. This isn't your fault. I was the one who kissed you, it's my fault because of my," he hesitates, and gulps down a deep breath as if trying to gather courage. "f-feelings, and stuff. I'm the one who's sorry."

"Phil–" Dan tries to argue, but Phil gives him a look and Dan shuts up.

"Truly. I miss you. And, if you don't actually mind my feelings too much, – you know I'd never do anything you were uncomfortable with, –if you'll have me, I'd love to move back in." Phil finishes.

Dan doesn't want to shatter their fragile coming back together, so he doesn't tell Phil how he really feels now. He promises to himself he will later. But for now, he nods, and his vision is a slight blurry and he notices Phil's eyes are glossier than usual. Phil lunges forward, and then they're embracing, Dan's arms around Phil's waist and Phil's around his neck. Dan feels like all the air has left his lungs. 

There's a knock on the door, followed by what sounds like Jack yelling, "I really have to wee!"

Dan and Phil both try to suppress their laughter, but Dan breaks, and they both stumble to get on their feet. Dan opens the door, and Jack barrels in before shutting Dan and Phil out, with a "GOD BLESS THE QUEEN."

Phil's eyes crinkle up and his tongue pokes out and Dan's just so happy to have him back again. He hugs Phil yet another time, unable to stop himself. 

Both boys are giggly and bubbly for the rest of the night.

-

Dan spends the night that night. Phil moves back in the next day, with promises in his brain to call Dodie and Hazel sometime, and memories of thanking them both repeatedly.

They spend the next few days simply enjoying each other's company, and Dan is still waiting for the perfect moment to tell Phil he's in love with him to arise. It never comes, though, because there's never a perfect time for these kind of things. 

It happens at past midnight, because Phil couldn't sleep and figured Dan was still awake browsing. And he was, so Phil crawled into bed next to him and they put on an episode of Yuri!!! on Ice.

Right now, Phil's laughing at one of Dan's stupid jokes, with a hand over his mouth, his eyes trained on the screen intently but Dan can't seem to pull his gaze away from the boy in front of him.

And then the words leave his mouth and enter the air in a tumbling, inelegant fashion.

"I'm in love with you."

Phil's head whips to face Dan, his mouth hanging open just slightly, and some of his hair in his face. Dan stares down at his duvet and hopes it's dark enough with nothing but his laptop screen illuminating their outlines to hide his embarrassment.

They sit there like that for a while. The episode still playing in the background while Phil examines him and Dan staring anywhere but Phil's face.

Then there's Phil's voice softly, almost a whisper, "Do you really mean that?"

Dan just nods, because he's not going to lie, and he's fidgeting worriedly. Phil raises his chin. "Dan, hey, look at me, it's okay." Phil says, and he's smiling. He pauses their show.

Phil's hands are cupping each side of Dan's face, before their lips meet. Phil backs up, "Is this okay?" Dan simply answers by connecting their lips again and it's slower this time and they're both involved this time and Dan is fully aware of the absence of alcohol on Phil's lips. Phil's tongue runs along Dan's lips asking for permission and Dan opens his mouth. They pull apart a few seconds later.

"Hey, Phil?" Dan says, right before Phil presses play.

"Yeah?" he answers. Dan can't find the words even though they're simple. They're trapped in his throat. So Phil speaks again, "If you were going to ask me to be your boyfriend, I'd love to. If not, well, what were you going to ask?"

The grin on Dan's face is enough to tell Phil that his guess was correct, but Dan still nods his head. He leans on Dan's chest and then they finish the episode, together.

 

The day after, he and Dan are bundled up together on the couch, ankles linked, hands tangled up, a mess of blankets, and they're intertwined. Dan has never been more grateful.

**Author's Note:**

> i'd love some feedback via comments or twitter (brighteyesphil) thank you for reading!!


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